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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24150688">Always</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/runningfromrealitytoanime/pseuds/runningfromrealitytoanime'>runningfromrealitytoanime</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Haikyuu Angst [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Losing Someone, M/M, angst again, confessing under the cherry blossoms, never getting loved back</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:23:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,386</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24150688</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/runningfromrealitytoanime/pseuds/runningfromrealitytoanime</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>How could he ever get the silver-haired setter to fall in love with him? As years pass and Oikawa yearns for a love he could never have, fate has them meet once more.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Haikyuu Angst [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1742644</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Always</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Welcome onto the angst train, where a lot of sad shit happens here! This is the third angst fic I wrote today and damn, I don't even know why I'm swamped with the feels now. I always thought this pairing was interesting and thought hey, why not make it angst related?</p><p>If any of you are fans of certain ships, forgive me because some of them are gonna sink!</p><p>This story was based on the song by Beth Crowley <a href="https://youtu.be/FSW371FMLns">Link Always</a> which is based off Lily Potter and Snape's relationship from Harry Potter (or rather Snape's one sided love for her). </p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It all started with a simple crush from across the net.</p><p> </p><p>Oikawa could never forget the smile that both irked him and made him go weak in the knees. While he was annoyed at the fact that Suga had the ability to keep his players in check and draw out the best of their abilities on the court, he couldn’t help but want Suga to throw that refreshing smile at him and wipe off all the tension in his shoulders. Whenever Suga would grin at his players from across the net, Oikawa would wish he could do the same for him. Heck, at one point he had even wanted the setter to just smile at him.</p><p> </p><p>But he knew he would never be able to get him.</p><p> </p><p>Suga only had eyes for one man and he was the leader of the murder of crows that eventually went to nationals. As they lay defeated on the court, Oikawa could only watch as Suga chased the dream he had strived for all his life but never managed to obtain. No matter how much he tried to reach for his dream and Suga, he could only see them slipping away even more, his fingers desperate to grasp onto something he could never get.</p><p> </p><p>So he did the only thing he could do and told Suga how he felt on the day they graduated, Oikawa bound for Tokyo under a sports scholarship while Suga remained in Miyagi. Iwaizumi had been so annoyed at how much his best friend gushed over the other setter that he practically kicked him out of their school and roared at him to go confess to him before he drove him crazy, Oikawa even going as far to take a cab to Karasuno High School.</p><p> </p><p>“Eh, what’s that student doing here?”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s so hot!”</p><p> </p><p>“Isn’t he the setter from Aoba Johsai?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, Oikawa-san! Look here!” some girls squealed as Oikawa ignored them, moving to his destination as he shivered in his coat. His graduation certificate was in his hand and while he itched to go for a karaoke with his friends, he also wanted to get the feeling off his chest he had been keeping all these months. Even though he knew the other boy’s answer, he still wanted to see him face to face.</p><p> </p><p>When he arrived at the gym, he wasn’t surprised to see the Karasuno team hugging and sobbing as they exchanged farewells. The freak duo were sobbing into Suga, Kageyama promising to be a better setter as the silver-haired boy fluffed his hair. Oikawa could almost feel his heart swell with pride at how much his kohai had grown over the past year, although he would never admit that Kageyama was now in the same league as him, if not even better.</p><p> </p><p>Suga was the first to notice him, looking up from his kohai to lock eyes with Oikawa. Oikawa gave a smile and a wink, pointing to the sakura tree that was outside the school before heading off to stand there. His heart hammered against his chest as he tried not to think of how Suga had smiled at him, shushing his kohai for a minute before dashing out to meet him. He looked good in his black school uniform, the smile on his face purer and nicer than Oikawa’s could ever have been. Oikawa had long forgotten how to give a genuine smile; he had been so used to using fake smiles to cover up his hurts all this while he didn’t even know the difference between what was real and fake.</p><p> </p><p>“Yahoo, Mr. Refreshing,” Oikawa grinned as Suga pouted, his cheeks puffing out as he groaned, “I have a name too, Grand King.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t use that!” Oikawa wailed as Suga laughed, moving to clap his certificate against his back, “Congratulations on your graduation.”</p><p> </p><p>“You too,” Oikawa smiled, the wind beginning to pick up as Suga chirped, “So what brings you here? Isn't Aoba Johsai a bit far from here? What, you here to give Kageyama the whole lecture about being a better setter?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?! No! He’s not exactly my kohai anymore, he’s your problem.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yup, I have to admit he’s been a pain in the ass for the past year.”</p><p> </p><p>Oikawa couldn’t help but chuckle at his words. How would Kageyama turn out if he had gone to Aoba Johsai? They wouldn’t have had showered him with the love Karasuno had shown. Perhaps if he had gone there…</p><p> </p><p>No. Now wasn’t the time to think of Kageyama.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Kou-chan. I…” Oikawa stammered, his tongue getting tied as he fumbled for the words. Suga continued to look at him with doe eyes, Oikawa’s heart melting at the sight as he blurted, “I like you. Please go out with me.”</p><p> </p><p>Suga’s smile pierced through Oikawa’s heart even though he hadn’t heard his answer. The sad turning down of his lips was enough to tell Oikawa that he wouldn’t be able to claim him as his own, Suga’s eyes already dropping as he gave Oikawa a low bow.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, Oikawa-san. I have someone I like now.”</p><p> </p><p>From inside, Oikawa could see Daichi staring at them with curiosity. His brown eyes locked onto Oikawa’s as Oikawa smiled, giving him a nod of acknowledgement as he patted Suga on the head before turning away, unable to look at him in the eye as he felt the tears flow out.</p><p> </p><p>What did Suga see in such a plain person like Daichi? He was average; he wasn’t even that tall, was a bit bulkier than normal, that was about it.</p><p> </p><p>So why? Why in the world did Mr Refreshing go after someone like him?</p><p> </p><p>It was several years later when Oikawa finally realised why Suga loved Daichi so much.</p><p> </p><p>Oikawa had finally completed his education and moved back to Miyagi to work as a doctor. After his knee officially gave way and took away his dream of becoming a pro volleyball player, Oikawa had thrown himself into his studies and focused on the only way he could be in the world he was forced to live. After much hard work and pains, breakups and failed relationships, Oikawa finally got certified, found a good job and was able to live on a steady income.</p><p> </p><p>He never thought he would bump into Suga one day when he was doing grocery shopping. The man was now a teacher in a primary school, glasses perched on his nose as Oikawa thought how the kids would definitely love him teaching them. He didn’t have to ask him why he was so happy; the silver ring glinting around his finger was enough to tell Oikawa the situation.</p><p> </p><p>“Actually, Oikawa. I’m getting married in two months time so if you would like to come to the wedding… I know you might not want to come after everything that happened but if you…”</p><p> </p><p>“I will, Kou-chan. I can’t miss the big day where you finally marry that big oaf,” Oikawa had grinned as Suga lighted up. How he wished he could see that smile being given to him all the time.</p><p> </p><p>“Speaking of said oaf, look who I bumped into, Daichi!” Suga called as a man spluttered, “Suga! Not in public!”</p><p> </p><p>Oikawa turned to see a policeman walking towards them. He thought they were about to get arrested for Suga being so noisy but as he looked closer, he saw Daichi smiling at him, hit body fitting snuggly into the uniform as Suga barrelled into him for a kiss. There were some chuckles around as Daichi turned beet red, Suga peppering kisses on his face as Daichi groaned, “I swear I’m not neglecting my duty here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh no. Have your fun with your fiancé,” Oikawa winked as he walked off to pay his groceries, unable to stand the sight of Suga getting lovey-dovey with Daichi.</p><p> </p><p>A few weeks later, Oikawa was faced with a situation he never wanted to be in. Suga was clinging onto his side, begging for him to save Daichi as he was wheeled in. Even before Oikawa began cutting away at his shredded blood-soaked uniform, he could tell the man wouldn’t be able to make it. There was too much blood, the hole in his chest gaping wide as Oikawa tried to seal it shut. After hours of toil, the sound of Daichi’s heart going flat rang through the air, Oikawa throwing his scalpel into the dish in anger as he tried not to cry.</p><p> </p><p>He failed Suga.</p><p> </p><p>How could he even face him now?</p><p> </p><p>Iwaizumi had taken charge and went to tell Suga the bad news. Oikawa lay slumped on the ground with his filthy gloves and apron still wrapped around him, sobbing as he covered his face with his hands. As his bloody hands came away, he was surrounded by the metallic scent of blood, his finger clawing at his face as he tried to get it off him. He was covered with Daichi’s blood now, the blood of the man he hated for taking away his love now coming back to haunt him.</p><p> </p><p>Was this a sign that he was never going to be rid of him?</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Oikawa!” Iwaizumi called as Oikawa looked up from his corner, his body shaking as his best friend dropped to his knees and gently began peeling off his gloves and apron. As he tossed them into the bin, Oikawa caved in as he sobbed, grabbing onto Iwaizumi’s shirt as he cried into him. Iwaizumi slowly shushed him as Oikawa cried, not wanting to leave the operating theatre where Daichi’s now cold body lay.</p><p> </p><p>After Oikawa had patched up Daichi’s body as best as he could, he had brought Suga in to say his last goodbyes. Suga had broken down in front of the table, sobbing as Iwaizumi and Oikawa gently pried him away. They explained the procedures of what they had to do with the body, Suga not taking in anything as he was brought home by Asahi, who had sat with him for hours ever since Daichi had been wounded. Daichi had been caught in a crossfire between rival yakuza gangs. He had been protecting civilians as the gang fight issued and before he could call for backup, he had been shot in the chest when he was trying to protect a family.</p><p> </p><p>Later he learned that the family he had protected was none other than his nephew Takeru and his mother. Oikawa wondered what kind of sick joke the universe was playing with him on making him connected with everything that took Daichi away from Suga. He didn’t know how he was going to face him in the funeral; heck, he didn’t even want to go but he felt obligated to go even though people would be seeing him as the one who failed to save Daichi’s life.</p><p> </p><p>The funeral was a sombre affair. All the Karasuno team as well as some of their friends from Tokyo had come to pay their respects. Oikawa recognised some of them as pro volleyball players Kuroo Tetsurou, Bokuto Koutarou, Miya Atsumu and even Ushijima Wakatoshi. Oikawa stayed apart from the group, watching as they gave their condolences to the grieving fiancé as Oikawa’s heart twisted even more.</p><p> </p><p>Suga had been a crying mess when Kuroo delivered his speech about Daichi. Even though Oikawa had never been a fan of the guy, he nearly cried when he heard how much Daichi had meant to the people around him. He gave his life to the community, protected the ones he loved at the cost of his life and now, Suga was paying the price. Suga had known what Daichi was getting himself into but he still allowed him to pursue his dream.</p><p> </p><p>After Daichi had been cremated, Oikawa lingered, watching from nearby as the group slowly trickled away. Most of the Karasuno members had left, unable to watch their old captain wither away. Asahi gave Suga’s shoulder a squeeze before moving to get some air, sobbing as Nishinoya wrapped an arm around him. Oikawa slowly detached himself from the tree to stand next to Suga, his hand slowly moving to touch Suga as Suga’s fingers found his own.</p><p> </p><p>‘Thank you, for being there with him during his last moments. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to have been with him,” Suga whispered as Oikawa said, “But I failed to save him.”</p><p> </p><p>“We can’t change when we want to die. It was Daichi’s time to go… we couldn’t do anything about it even if we wanted to,” Suga whispered as Oikawa squeezed his hand. Slowly, he pulled him into a hug, the silver-haired man sobbing into him as Oikawa tried not to focus on the body burning in front of him, the smell of ash entering his nose as they watched the rest of Daichi wither away.</p><p> </p><p>Weeks turned to months and somehow, Oikawa found himself in Suga’s life more than he ever thought. First, he had gone to check up on the man to make sure he was eating and doing well, Suga throwing himself into his work to get rid of the pain. While he looked like he was handling it well on the inside, Oikawa knew that once he closed the doors behind him, he would be a weeping mess as he took in the sight of the home he once shared with Daichi.</p><p> </p><p>Oikawa found himself getting called over many times to Suga sobbing and screaming, crying out for Daichi’s name as Oikawa drove over. He would stay by Suga’s side until he calmed down, his hand running through his hair as he watched him sleep the whole night. Oikawa didn’t know why Suga would even rely on him after what happened, but he wanted to be there for him in his grief.</p><p> </p><p>Oikawa didn’t know whether Suga loved him or not the way he loved him all those years ago, but one thing’s for sure, Oikawa would never let Suga go even if he loved Daichi until the end of time.</p><p> </p><p>So whenever Suga whispers the words, “Will you stay?” to him, Oikawa would always smile and give the same reply, his heart no longer caring if the man would ever love him back as he whispers, “Always.”</p><p> </p><p>He would always be Oikawa’s first love and heartbreak, his always.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope it was angsty enough for you guys! Sorry for killing off Daichi but that was kinda the only way for this story to progress (and me just being an evil shit). </p><p>Comments and kudos are widely appreciated and welcomed! They really make my day!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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